Single Ladies.

Is this what I have become?

So here I am researching three stories I writing. Subjects include: ghosts, obscure sexual fetishes, and egg donations. Is this what I have become? A slave for writing about taboo subjects? Oh well, it's what I am good at.
I would give writing a humorous article than writing one with "intellectual substance" (whatever that is), any day. But hopefully I won't get labeled as that chick who writes smut.

Ah, fuck it.... these are for you mom!

The Leaves Are Changing... Farewell Summer.

What Else Could A Girl Want?

ATTENTION! ATTENTION! A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT!

Dear Fuck-bags from the 905 region:

When I am riding my bike home with my boyfriend, please do not think it is acceptable to stop your lame acura/whatever piece of shit car you are driving, and tell me: "nice shorts, honey".

I will not jump off my bike and be like: "thanks! can I catch a ride with you?"

Your tribal tats do nothing for me, and if you realize, guys who 'holler at girls rarely ever have real-life girlfriends.

And if you think yelling at my boyfriend: "hey 'bro you better fuck her, because I already did!" makes any sense, then please fuck right off because I am pretty sure I didn't fuck you, nor will I ever. Basically, you should commit suicide (or start planning it) because your eventually going to realize how much of a complete piece of crap you are. To add to it, your parents will probably divorce because they hate the fact they created such a loser.

All I am saying is that the majority of girls aren't flattered or "turned on" by such behavior. They are more likely to barf up the $10 dollar bottle of wine and Crispy grilled chicken sandwich combo from McDonald's that they had ingested two hours before.

Hope your engine caught fire as you attempted to drag race with someone on the DVP.

Von-Trapin'

Dear Diary,

Just came back from the Sound of Music with Brenda.

What's up with that shit?

First of all, no one had an Austrian accent, but they proceeded to flee from the Nazis. It was like Jon and Kate Plus Eight (minus one because there are only seven kids), but with music, and them fleeing Hitler.

Maybe that is what led to Jon and Kate's divorce: the pressures of dictatorship and brainwashing can be hard.

The real question is, who is going to get the kids?

You don't know me...

Dear Diary,

As much as I love Maury, I wonder where these girls who want to have babies and get paid for sex come from.

Does Maury hate his life? Is he looking at his successful wife (Connie Chung) and crying at night because his job includes numerous episodes of paternity tests and hidden secrets?

When his producers/writers approach him with the weeks stories and he sees that four out of the five are paternity tests, does he freak his shit and trash his dressing room?

I wonder...

T dot O dot.

Dear Diary,

my garbage hasn't been collected in weeks!!!!! :s

What's up with that?

P.S.

Sarcasm. However, public dumping zones in parks where kids and pets run around in, while trying to justify it by spraying it with pesticides = perfect.

P.P.S.

Sarcasm, again.

F.U. Toronto.


thanks Jesse for the photo.

I did it... finally.

Dear Diary:

So I have given into this (almost outdated it seems) blog frenzy. For the longest time I couldn't get over people just wanting to write about their lives with the intention of people, possibly, reading it.

I am actually a veteran of this. I would write in my diary with hopes of someone pulling a Harriet The Spy (yes, that 1996 piece of art with Michelle Trachtenberg, where those snotty kids steal her spy diary and everyone reads it). I use to write in my diary with maybe my boy crushes finding it, the only way they would ever know my true feelings.

So, yeah, maybe I am a bit conceited. Then again, the majority of the Cory Kennedy wannabes who type furious details about their nights at the Social or Wrong Bar while attaching a few blurred, slow-synchro photos mid-script, usually are.

Well, I can't commit to updating this, but here's hoping!

p.s.

new/old love: